My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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