what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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