I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
