I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
