Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
