I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
