That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
