if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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