Kareoke will never be a sober sport
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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