Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
