Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
