ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
