DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
