I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
