i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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