What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
