she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
