kristin has been a bad kristin
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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