Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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