He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
