Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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