How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
