If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
