Where did you get a picture of my penis
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
