I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
