yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
