I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
