Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
