Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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