i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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