I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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