what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
