"it" just moved
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
