Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
