After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
