capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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