She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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