This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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