i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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