When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
