do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
