dude i'm inner monologue high
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
