oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
