Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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