My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
