I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
