Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize