After last night, I could never be a politician.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
