Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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