next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
