This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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