I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
