Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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