im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
