Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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