Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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