I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
