Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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