He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
