Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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