Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize