Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
