My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
