I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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