she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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