Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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