just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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