Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
