Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
