I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
