1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
